Roblog

Some Facts About Me...

2006-06-25T23:34:00.000-04:00

I don't work to my potential. I don't do my best at hardly anything. I focus on my problems and not on my potential. I worry about my future because I have no confidence—in myself that I can do anything, and in God that He will help me where I cannot. I judge people based on sterotypes. I am selfish and would rather feel good than be inconvenienced by anything other than what I want. I hate other people's quirks. I hate when other people bring up my quirks. I hate my quirks. I don't read the Bible because I don't want to. I hardly pray because part of me doesn't believe it works. I get mad at God when my prayers aren't answered. I don't like going to church because I feel like I've heard it all before. I don't like advice. I crave advice. I have a lustful mind. I indulge my perverted thoughts. I'm lazy. I complain when I have nothing to do. I complain when I have things to do. I want more money. I want more stuff. I complain about not having any money. I look for ways to spend money instead of saving it. I make excuses; and believe them. I overanalyze. I'm afraid of God. I respect Him, but don't love Him. I don't want Him to change me; but all I want is for Him to change me. I hate thinking about going to college. I hate thinking about ruining my life by not going. I don't worship. I can't worship. I don't want to worship. I envy those who do worship. I expect the worst in people. I expect nothing from God. I want to do everything myself. I hate being alone. I hate being in groups. No matter what I feel alone. I'm a liar. I'm a thief. I expect everything without working for it. I hide from my beliefs. I lie about my beliefs. I look for ways out of believing. I wish I didn't believe. I'm afraid of death but wish I was dead sometimes. I'm afraid I won't like Heaven. I'm afraid I won't like God when I meet Him. I'm afraid God doesn't like me now. I think God is tired of hearing me tell Him the same shit all the time. If God cursed, I think He'd tell me that; and that I'm full of it. I think I'm a bad role model for kids at church. I want people to like me, but I like it when they don't. I like to make people angry with my views. I don't have the confidence to express my views. I don't like people who are smarter than me. I think I'm better than those I disagree with. I'm afraid to try to get better because I don't want to fail and disappoint myself. I want to prove God wrong. I want to prove everyone wrong. I want to prove myself wrong. I hate myself. I hate this world. I don't want to help people. I don't want help for myself. I think I have no purpose in life.

Some of these are facts about me. Nothing I'm proud of. Think what you will, I had to get them out. I may add more, I may not; but I'm tired.

Myspace Background Checks

2006-06-16T10:25:00.000-04:00

I was shown an article in the newspaper the other day that was pretty interesting. It talked about college grads applying for jobs in the workplace, and the employers researching them on Myspace. They interviewed the head of this company that was saying when they get applications, they look them up on Myspace. There was a guy that they looked up who's interests included smoking pot, shooting people and various described sex acts. Another woman had pictures of herself passed out after a long night of drinking. Needless to say, neither of them got the job.
Personally, I think this is a great idea. Too many people use things like Myspace not to express themselves, but express how they want to be seen.
Stop trying to look cool, stop trying to be something you're not, and if you really are like that, then don't be pround of it!

'Left Behind' Game--Pt 1.

2006-06-15T10:42:00.000-04:00

So, everyone has heard of the Left Behind book series, right? Well, the buzz is that the video game is coming out soon. Yes, a Left Behind video game. Now, before I go any further there are two things I want you to know:
1) I have not read any of the Left Behind books and don't really want to. I don't quite know how I feel about the Rapture. It's a nice idea-for all the Christians to be sucked up and away before the hard times start-but I'm not really sure that Scripture supports that idea. I tell you this to say that I am not a follower of the series and am not writing in it's defense.
2) The game has not come out yet. The claims against the game are not directly asked to the creators and therefore cannot really be definate until the game has come out. But, there are tons and tons of places that all say the same thing. Still, I tell you this to say that I will have to give the creators the benefit of the doubt... thought it is hard for me to do so. But that's why this is 'Pt 1.' I will publish 'Pt 2.' when the game comes out and I know for sure.
Okay, according to the claims, the premise of this gams is this:

You run around in 50 square blocks of post-rapture New York City and try to convert non-believers. You are issued a weapon and join up with a paramilitary group to battle the Anti-Christ's forces. Here's the clincher: when people don't convert to Christianity, you are supposed to shoot them. So, according to the claims all over the place this is a convert-or-die game.
If this is true, it's rediculous. I mean, this is the stigma that Christians have been trying to get away from for hundreds of years. This is exactly why people hate Christians, and if this is true then they aren't doing anything to help themselves. They are promoting Christian Jihad. It's insulting to me and it honestly makes me sick beacuse it just reinforces the idea that Christians don't care about anyone else, and anyone who is not a Christian is not worth anything; and that is wrong!
Supposedly the creators of the book series are supporters of it, as well as the author of The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren (who plans to market it throught the 'mega church'). Part of me would like to think that they are not that out of their minds to support this game if the claims are right. But part of me is also not suprised.
I feel that I can't say much more about it because, like I said, I want to wait and be sure about how the game is. We'll have to see what happens, though... look out for Pt 2.

Martial Arts With a Side of Chihuahuas

2006-06-06T09:18:00.000-04:00

So I got a pair of nunchakus (nunchucks) the other day. I don't really know why, I've just always wanted some. Most people stat out with foam-coated ones, but I skipped straight ahead to wood. They were pretty much the same price and I didn't see the sense in eventually outgrowing one set and having to buy another. Plus, getting hit repeatedly with wooden nunchakus on the elbows, knees and fingers only encourages me to strengthen my skills.

I also got a book an krav maga, the Israeli martial arts. It's pretty cool, and cheaper than paying for kung fu classes... but I'd like to do that one day, too.
I was practicing this move where, if someone punches at your head, you duck to the side and punch them in the ribs. My fiance was over when I was doing this. I was conditioning my mind to react this certain way and going over and over this one move and I wanted to show her, so I told her to punch at my head, and before I had even closed my mouth her fist was like lightning, striking at my head. She was a bit more aggressive than I expected, forcing my mind to act in the way I had just mentally conditioned it to. The move worked great and when she regained her breath, she was anxious to move on to the section on groin attacks. We decided we would not practice together again.

Last week my mom and I were watching tv and there was a commercial for corn dogs and I was telling her how I kinda missed eating them. They're not the greatest food in the world, but a solid treat every once in a while. I was telling her how the stick that runs down the inside of them is a huge deterrent for me. I don't enjoy fighting with the stick to get the last bits of food off of it. Some people enjoy it, I just don't. I mentioned how I wanted to invent corndogs with no sticks; boneless, I call them. So, the next day my mom went to the grocery store, and when she got back she brought up the topic again and told me that she found them! With a mixture of jealousy (because I thought I was on to something new, and if only I had the chance that this corporate snob had, I could have made millions) and excitement (because they were feakin' boneless corndogs!!) I ripped open the package only to find, to my disappointment, that they were mini corndogs; corndog nuggets; corn-chihuahuas; breaded beanie-weenies!! How could you make them with a stick? That would be rediculous! Sure they packed the same great corndog taste in a smaller, stickless package, but still. I was not impressed with the invention.
I was distraught as I ate them. I felt let down. I may not be able to enjoy full-sized stickless corndogs yet, but that only means that there is still room for my invention. I'll see you at the top, corporate corndog-makers!

A Virtual Sense of Accomplishment

2006-05-07T11:56:00.000-04:00

I have a problem in life of not feeling satisfied. This has nothing to do with the people in my life; that's not what I mean. This satisfaction I'm talking about is accomplishment. I can only speak for myself but I belive guys need to feel accomplishment. Maybe not 'guys', but 'some people'. Some people are affected by the lack of accomplishment less than others but I think that everyone needs to feel it to some extent.
In college I took a public speaking class. One of our speeches was about a place where we go to escape. Some spoke of their tree houses when they were kids, their bedroom, the library. Mine was about the Land of Hyrule. Those of you who don't know where that is, it is the fictional world that Zelda and Link inhabit in the Legend of Zelda game series. I spoke about how I would defeat giant dragons, monsters and evil wizards bent on world domination/destruction. But th ekey word is I. I did it. The people of small villages counted on me to save them. They empowered me with objects, information, and confidence in order to ensure my victory. They depended on me, and they trusted me. And I never let them down.
This is why it is so easy for me to become addicted to video games. They have a fixed set of rules, a limited amount of actions to take, and a clear goal... usually. "Blow up the fuel trucks", "rescue the hostage", "win the race","find the Flaming Sword of the Gods","meet up with Charlie and get the green access key card," and my personal favorite, "defeat all the enemies." Whenever you get stuck or forget your purpose you can just pull up the objectives screen and look at what you're supposed to be doing. There is also usually someone within the game that gives you tips if you can't figure it out.
I could (and sometimes do) play games for hours. each level, the objectives are laid out for you, any equipment you need you are given, or are told where to find it. In some games you are very well compensated just for following directions. By completing tasks and objectives you get new cars, weapons, clothing, money and all kinds of other things. Also, when you complete a step in your virtual life the next step is opened to you. You are told your next step one your current step is completd. That is a very appealing aspect of video game worlds.
As you progress in the game the overall plotline is revealed. Mysteries are solved, friends are met, enemies show themselves and are eventually defeated. But most importantly, at the end of the game you have accomplished something. Whether it be saving the world, saving the girl, or cleansing your name the end result is a feeling of accomplishment. All the adventure, action, violence, and spent shell casings are worth it.
In the video game universe, I can save the world. I can make a difference. I can use the tools and information I'm given and make choices. Meaningful choices. This gives me a feeling of purpose. That is my escape; a world where I am the hero. And it is sadly addicting.

Overanalyticalizationalism

2006-04-25T08:52:00.000-04:00

Every once in a while I start to believe He's not there, and I think He isn't helping me build my faith by not answering my prayers.
It's not like I'm praying for a new fancy car or other 'things', I'm praying for a change in my heart that I cannot do myself. It has to be Him.
Maybe I'm like that student in class that the teacher tells he can do better. Not that I'm better than anyone, please don't take that out of context. But God made me with a thinking, pondering, analytical mind (though I overdo it alot) and He wants me to think, ponder, and analyze... to an extent. He wants me to figure it out because He knows that I'll oly be truly happy and healed if I can figure it out. So, I must be praying not for miraculous mental healing or a huge mental change, but for mental enlightenment. I must be able to look at the situation and the solution and say, "...and that is why I believe." And I know that God designed me that way. Because I know that once I have that, nothing can ever take it away from me.

Comedy Isn't Always Funny

2006-04-23T14:14:00.000-04:00

Starting an improv team is hard. For me, anyway. I've Never done it before, and i wish I had a better idea at how to have useful, constructive practices. I kinda feel like I'm making it up as I go... which maybe, is the idea. But no, not for practice. I want practices to build our skills, and help us learn the art, but it seems like all it really does is frustrate us. It makes me feel like I should be doing more to help the team, but I don't know what to do.
I have all these expectations for myself, and for the team, but I don't know what steps to take to reach them. Individual stand-up is frustrating because of my confidence issues and all that, but I know if I could get myself to do it again, I could do it better because I know what didn't work for me and what situations not to get into again. It would also be easier, though, because I'd only have to worry about myself. I could have my own practices whenever I wanted to.
I do want to do that, but I really want to have an improv team, too. They are two separate art forms that I want to be a part of.

I Have a Dream...

2006-04-21T15:12:00.000-04:00

I'm not an unhappy person, but occasionally I get unhappy. this is not me whining about being unhappy, this is just some insight into why I get that way. If you don't want my insight, then don't read my blog!
I get unhappy because I don't do anything I enjoy. Therefore, I 'don't enjoy' everyting around me.
Why?
Because I only have a limited amount of time and energy. If I spend almost all of my effort and energy on things I don't enjoy (mainly work 40hrs a week), then when I do have the TIME to do things I enjoy (writing, comedy) I no longer want to do anything that requires effort or energy... because even these things which I enjoy doing require effort and energy from that same limited pool of it.
I do have the time to do those things. But sometimes I would rather do 'nothings,' which are things that require little or no effort or energy (movies, video games, internet). They're easy, they pass time, but they do not satisfy and are ultimately unfulfilling.
So, the solution is either to stop spending time/effort/energy on things I don't want to do (which, if that includes working that would be pretty stupid), or to force myself to use the time I do have and squeeze out more energy. Neither sounds like the best way. Ths must mean that REAL solution is another choice that I do not know how to make yet.
If you truly enjoy something, you deal with the hardships and the days that you don't feel like doing it. It's important enough to you. You have no false hopes that tell you you will enjoy every second of every day that you do these things. You know that times will suck and times will be hard and you won't always actually enjoy the things you enjoy. But they are imprtant yo you, so you fight through; you make a choice. You understand that anything important and relevant does not creatively pour forth freely at all times.
Everyting requires work, even the things we enjoy most. The sufferings and hardships are worth it. If they're not, maybe you are wasting your energy.
None of this is really a solution, just a very open-ended question.

Hopeless? Helpless? Or just lazy?

2006-04-21T15:02:00.000-04:00

I have a problem. My problem is communication. I, for some reason, have a problem communcating to those closest to me. I don't really know why, but I'm sure it has everything to do with the fact that I have BIG communication problems with God. I don't really like talking to Him. I view him as an obligation. I respect Him, but I don't think I love Him. I don't think I know how.
I think the reason why it's hard to talk about this is because I feel like I am alone in it. I feel like no one would understand, and I feel like everyone will think I am a bad person, a bad example, and not worthy of being a leader for young people. Where would I lead them? Will I lead them into the same kind of confusion that I now find myself in?
I am afraid. I'm afraid that I will be looked down on, distrusted, and shamed. But honestly, I'm tired of caring about all that bs. I'm tired of feeling like this and I'm tired of not understanding what to do about it.
I think I'm missing something. There's something I do not understand about God (obviously). If I loved God the way I'm supposed to then it would be a pleasure to do things for Him, not an obligation. I would do things OUT OF love, not just because I know I should. I feel no joy. But the bottom line is that I can't change the way I feel, and I usually don't see a point in talking about it because I don't want to bother anyone with it. I don't seem to believe, maybe, that there's a way to fix it. So, I've just accepted where I am and wait for God to change me. But it's not that easy, is it?

-What am I supposed to do in the meantime?-
-What am I missing?-
-How do I go about the process of changing the way my mind thinks?-

Confusion, Confidence, Failure, and Faith

2006-04-21T14:59:00.000-04:00

Well, it's taken me 5 weeks to get completely confused and over analytical about my beliefs. Tonight is the last night of the class, my exam, and I am... 'seeking new opportunities.'
I had forgotten about a seminary I want to go to really badly, but i put it off because I didn't want to get a B.A., but such is not the case now. After the B.A. comes seminary, and then I can do whatever I want. The frustrating thing is that since I need a job to pay my bills, I cannot go to school full time. So what should take me 4 years will probably take more like 8. THEN seminary, another 2 I think, will take 4. 12 years... holy crap... that doesn't sound fun, and that's why it's never been an option. Well, that and money. Money sucks... but that's for another blog...
So, this is my newest, and most promising option. Not TOO excited about it, but oh well. I just know that i want to help kids. I want to teach kids about God and His relation to the world. I want to do it through film, writing, sci-fi, fantasy, story telling, an any other kind of artistic mediums that kids (and God) find interesting. If I continue to sit back and complain about money, time, and energy, then all that will happen is I will get so pissed off so often that I will just continue to sit here and do nothing, and THAT will piss me off, and then the circle will begin again. I don't want that. Heck, maybe God will even give me a job while I'm going to school. But I can only do what I can do. I have to do what I believe God is leading me to. In moments of silence I have to continue on the last known path.

'But you have recieved the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you all things, and what he teaches is true- it is not a lie. So continue in what he has taught you, and continue to live in Christ.' 1 John 2:27

Not to say I don't need anyone to teach me anything, but I can't let people make decisions for me, and I have to 'continue in what he has taught' me, and do the best I can.
So, I am learning to have confidence in my decisions, and to trust myself to whatever extent I am supposed to, but not more that God. There will be failures, but I don't believe failure always means you did anything wrong. Sometimes it just means you're in the wrong place.
K, bye.

Robulous

Earning an Allowance?

2006-04-21T14:57:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but I'm happy to know that God's love is not earned. We don't have to do anything to get it, except get it. We barely even have to understand it, but we have to take it, accept it.
Some of us have a hard time accepting it, either because it's too hard, or too easy. Actually, it seems that ultimately, it is too easy so we make up things in order to make it harder for ourselves.
You mean, all we have to do is just accept a truth in our heart, not even DO anything about it, really? That's too easy. We need to accomplish all these tasks and say and do all these things, or the truth is not really ours. In high school English class, my teacher told me that the way you claim ownership of a word is to use it at least three times in a day, in a natural way. Once we did that, it became locked into our vocabulary, and we owned that word. Surely, the concept is the same with salvation.
No, it is not. Not exactly. It may be a flimsy example, but the point was that you don't have to do anything. You don't have to use sayings or pray a certain amount of times in order to make Christ a part of your life. The concept behind the English word was that we had to prove our mastery over the use of that word in order to claim it. Not so with Christ.
We make up reasons why we are so bad that we cannot be saved, and we stubbornly hold to these conclusions of self-proclaimed hopelessness so that we can feel bad about ourselves. Why? Because we cannot just take something free! Even though society teaches us that nothing in life is free, this is indeed free... and nothing we have done can add a cent to the amount we have to pay for it.

"Whatever we have done in the past, be it good or evil, great or small, is irrelevant to our stance before God today. It is only now that we are in the presence of God." - Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

Technically, we do not deserve salvation. Salvation is only by grace, grace meaning unearned; free. We have earned death. Some say that is not fair, since most of us go through life never commiting a sin that is usually considered punishable by death, but sin in itself is. Our existence in itself is. God is just, but He loves us, therefore He made possible salvation so that He would not have to give us what we really deserve. Just shut up and take it.

Robulous

Am I really an American Man?

2006-04-21T14:55:00.000-04:00

I don't like football. In fact, I hate it. It's not because of the violence, or the animosity of the players. There are other reasons why I don't like it.
First of all, the players get paid WAY too much for what they do. We pack stadiums full of thousands of people to watch a bunch of guys... PLAY A GAME. All the money these guys get paid, and they're afraid to take a hit. They have to run right down the sideline, and whenever anyone comes near them they just run out of bounds. TAKE THE HIT!! YOU'RE GETTING PAID MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO CATCH A BALL, RUN, AND GET HIT!!! AND NOT CRY ABOUT IT!!
I am in no way saying that I could take hits like that, but I know they can. They got that far because they can, and they get paid the way they do because they can. Take a hit. Fund a third world country. Buy everyone in the United States a 12-pack chicken nugget meal from Chick-Fil-A. Stop buying fourteen cars for yourself. Stop buying 98,000 pairs of shoes for yourself. Stop buying helicopters... well, actually, I'd buy one if I could. Stop buying homes in twelve states and six countries. Buy me a nugget meal.
Secondly, football fans are crazy, irrational, and... just crazy. People make fun of Trekkies and Star Wars fans that go to conventions and dress up, and act a part. Football fans do the same exact thing. Only not a couple times a year, but EVERY WEEK! They'll watch 13 games in one day, just because there's a game on. It doesn't matter who's playing. You could hate both teams, but still watch. I don't get it. The American lifestyle revolves around football. People take days off of work, leave places early to get home in time for the big game... between ANYONE. It doesn't matter what the game is, it's football. they have to be there to see it.
Thirdly, pregame shows. A bunch of talkshow hosts and ex-football players sitting around talking about football... for FOUR HOURS before the game even starts!!. They argue about statistics, and players and coaches and weather conditions and geographical locations and fan support and every other thing that could possible play a role in the outcome of the game. They try to predict who will win based on those factors, when the only thing that makes a difference is the players. I heard a statistic about how good a teams record was when the temperature was under 40 degrees! Who cares?! Why does that have anything to do with anything?! WHO KEEPS STATISTICS LIKE THAT?!??! Get a life.
Just an addition, is the commentators. More ex-players and people that no one wants to hear say anything, much less their opinions. John Madden is one of my favorites. Why can't those who want to watch the game just watch it in peace? And for those of us who DON'T want to watch, aren't we suffering enough for our friends and families? Don't talk, please! AND STOP GIVING US TRIVIA QUESTIONS!! Here's my suggestion: Death Row Inmate Death-Match, Roman Arena Style!! Fill up Ray-Jay with water, put some boats in there, and have at it!
Robulous, OUT!

Teach Yourself: Shutting Up!

2006-04-21T14:53:00.000-04:00

What do you do when you're priorities are so screwed up that you have gotten yourself stuck in a tug-of-war with what you love doing, hope to do forever, and really want to find more time to do, but is essentially a long-term project... something else that you want to do also, but requires alot of time that you'd rather be putting into the first thing, but is a 'timed' project... a THIRD thing that needs alot of time and effort that you'd rather put into the first thing, but know you should probably put into the second thing... and a FOURTH thing that you absolutely hate, but absolutely need?
Holy crap... does this mean I'll have to... PLAN? Be responsible? MAKE A SCHEDULE... AND STICK TO IT?? OH MY GOD!!!
Yeah, that's probably what I'll have to do. It's the only logical way to do accomplish all of them at the 'same time.' (meaning, of course not having to put one down for a few months at a time, lose all my inspiration and ideas, and end up hating all my characters and plotlines that I have spent years devoloping, and redeveloping, and redeveloping over and over and over again.)
I hate this idea, if you can't already tell. I don't like structure, but I'll die without it. I hate the fact that I can't do what I want whenever I want. I hate being timed, having deadlines, and not being able to drop what I'm doing and write when inspiration hits me. But I have to. If I don't I'll go insane. But on the other hand, I'll be going insane the whole time I'm doing it.
Just shut up!! Stop complaining like a... like... like WHEN I CAN'T THINK OF THE RIGHT WORD!!! "You're stupid..." (Believe it or not, that makes me laugh, cause I know you don't mean it...)

Favorite Outfit...

2006-04-21T14:52:00.000-04:00

Everyone has a favorite outfit. It's the one that everytime it's clean you want to wear it right away. It's the one that, if you could, you would do laundry everyday just so you could wear it all the time. It may even be a subconcious decision. But, if you had to tell someone what outfit that was, it would not be based on how attractive it makes you to the opposite sex. It would be one that you are most comfortable in. It would be one that, if you had to, you could wear for long periods of time.
When I was pondering this, I asked myself what my favorite outfit was. It is a light brownish Urban Outfitters t-shirt, my Levi 30-30 low, loose, bootcut jeans, and my Etnies. I noticed that, like I said, whenever I see that shirt and those jeans are clean I want to wear them.
Basically, subconsiously, I believe that our brains choose our favorite outfit by asking this: 'What would I want to wear in a zombie attack?' Picture this: you wake up one day, put on clothes and go about your day. It just so happens taht this day is the day when It happens. Zombie outbreaks occur all over the world, including your town. Now, just like the movies, you're on the run. You will be stuck in those clothes for... a long time. It cold be days, weeks, whatever. They will be covered in blood, dirt, water (if you have to swin across a lake or something like that), and who knows what else you'll get into. The point is that you will have to be comfortable. Ladies, you can't run from zombies in a mini skirt and high-heels. You will be quick prey, and you'll probably bring your whole team down with you.
So, everyone, I challenge you to "Think When You Dress," and "Dess For Success," and "Dress For Survival." Thanks.

Pixel-On-Pixel Violence

2006-04-21T14:48:00.000-04:00

I think violent video games are great. Some people blame them for the downfall of society, school shootings, and all kinda of other things. I find them a great way to relieve stress and release pent up aggression. The fact that I can punch, kick, shoot, hack and slash fake 'in'human beings and monsters fills me with glee. It does NOT give me a desire to do these things to real humans in real life. But, if the monsters were to attack in real life, I hope that you all will call me first! The reason games are so fun is because they transport you to a world, or put you into a role (or both) that is not real so you can do things that you could never do in real life. In case you're wondering, that's the appeal!
Now, I'm not saying that these kinds of games are for everyone of all ages. Definately not. They have ratings for a reason. But I have a hard time believing that people who kill people in real life were made that way by video games. I have been playing games like that for years, and I have never gotten a real urge to REALLY commit murder in REAL life. That would make me mentally unstable. That would mean that I need to seek professional help, not play less video games.
Maybe though, to be fair, what is the effect of violent video games on people who are mentally unstable to begin with? That may be a fai question. It seems to me that something in their brains is distorting reality, or failing to differentiate between reality and VIRTUAL reality.
Video games help me cope sometimes. They take me to worlds that I could never go to. They are just another form of storytelling; and just like any other kind of story, they are not for everyone of all ages. The same as movies, books, comics, and television shows, different age groups have different ones aimed at them. Kids should play games for kids. Adults should play the games aimed at them, but it's fun sometimes to play a kiddie game as an adult. We don't ALWAYS want shooting and fighting games.
I guess the bottom line of what I'm trying to say is video games are not just for kids anymore. In fact, it's almost becoming the opposite. The gamers of the old-school Nintendo days are all grown up today, and they still like to play video games. The gaming industry had to change to suit them, and it will continue to change as they continue to age, and as new generations come up. Happy gaming!!

Arrogant Paperclips, and The "Unforgiving" Matrix

2006-04-21T14:41:00.000-04:00

I found something today that I have never seen before. I asked a few people about it and some said that they've seen one before, but I don't know if I believe them. Today I found a gold paperclip. Usually, they're a silver color, or plastic coated with fun colors, but this one had a shiny, polished gold finish.
Now, the purpose of paperclips is to hold a few pieces of paper together. They're not really supposed to draw attention to themselves. They have a simple yet important job. But this gold one that I saw clearly wanted all the attention. This paperclip was a jerk. But it wasn't really his fault. It was the fault of whoever had the idea that paperclips need to be the center of attention. I'm sure their intentions were good, but it obviously got out of hand.
Don't get me wrong. Paperclips, as I said, have an important job. But part of that job is keeping those papers together so that the purpose of the PAPERS can be realized. Sure the paperclip usually gets tossed aside, thrown away, bent out of shape and made into some sort of stabbing weapon, or a missile, or even by some experts, a lockpick. But it did it's job and that's what counts.
I do have a heart, though. I don't necessarily like the idea that they are so easily forgotten, and i do think that they need some form of recognition. After all, don't you think they KNOW that they will probably be dropped in a garbage can or on the ground? They know that, and yet the still perform. That takes courage. This is why I declare the month of November, 'National Paperclip Appreciation Month'. Show those little guys you love them by buying a box and NOT using them. Just let them sit there and... just BE. They deserve a break.
I also am looking into an after school/home/office program for them to be a part of, camping trips, or any other ideas I can think of to show them we care.
In closing, I want to say that yes, we love and adore the work that they do, but giving them a distracting (though impressive) gold finish is not the answer. All that's going to do is expand their little egos and make them forget their place and purpose. Not because they are inferior, but because they are specifically made for that job... a job that no one else can do (well, one could argue that a staple could do it, but those bastards hold on way too tight).

Another thing, totally unrelated. Why is it that when the Matrix is all about advanced technology and complex computer programs, and the video games based on it are so clumsy? It seems when you play them that they are full of glitches, incomplete codes, and inaccuracies.
It's really hard to get the feel that you're inside the Matrix, this huge, complicated and potentially deadly computer program when your punches, kicks and bullets are almost always off target, yet still do the damage they're supposed to. I mean, you just get lucky sometimes and actually hit what you're not really aiming at, or do finishing moves on enemies that aren't even there, but that's sure not realistic, nor does it make me feel I'm a part of the unforgiving sytem called the Matrix.

Brutally Honest

2006-04-21T14:38:00.000-04:00

I don't like praying. I guess I just don't know how to react to God, or listen to Him, how to let Him talk to me or use me. All I know how to do is think, and be brutally honest with Him.
That's when I feel closest to Him; when I'm being brutally honest. When I tell Him I'm pissed off, or scared, or when I don't unerstand, or when I'm unfulfilled. But to what extent should I embrace that? I hate that I put Him through this stuff all the time, but then again, He's the one that made me this way, made my mind work the way it does. Therefore, maybe it goes back to a thought I had recently. He made me this way because He wants me to be this way, because He enjoys interacting with me this way.
The only way I know how to be is the way I am... and I'm sorry, but I'm going to continue to be that way until I change (deep, huh?). Of course, I'm striving for better things, to better my life and outlook on life and God and others, but still all I can be is who I am, who He made me to be.

My Reality

2006-04-21T14:31:00.000-04:00

People believe in different things. Some believe in certain governments, social policies, the right to do this, or the right to do that. Everyone believes in something. When it comes to religion some people believe certain things because they were raised that way, not really because they think that it holds any weight. They don't believe in it the same way they do in capitalism or even communism. People who believe in these systems of government do so because they believe they will make a better world or social structure.
My belief in Christianity is different. Sure I was raised in church—which I believe affects my chances at staying there—but my belief in it is not just because I was raised this way. I spent many years trying to run from it, showing mysefl all the ways it wasn't practical and ways it hurt too much. I kept trying to convince myself that it wasn't true—and just when I thought I had succeeded, I realized that I believe in it way too much. Not just as a religion. I believe in it as a system. The way it works makes sense to me.
Christianity is (as far as I know) the only religion that offers grace and redemption. Every other religion is one in which you have to earn something by completing a checklist, or denying yourself of this and that in order to reach enlightenment or whatever the reward for that particular religion is. Christianity is the only one that teaches that you can't do it on your own. I know I can't condition myself to live a perfect life according to rule after rule. In fact, this is exactly what the world hates about Christianity (well, that and the Christians); this notion that there is a list of do's and don'ts that no one can live up to. When it's really just the opposite.
Like I said before, Christianity says 'you can't do it, so I'll do it for you.' I need redemption. I need a savior because I can't obtain it on my own. I'm too stupid, selfish, foolish, uncontrollable, intolerable, blind and arrogant to do it by myself. Sure, I believe in God. But so does about 95% of the world. Yeah, I believe in Jesus, but scholars from all over the world, including many other religions do too. I believe Jesus is the Christ. But then again, SUPPOSEDLY so do una-bombers, and kkk members, and hypocritical church-goers who tell people they're going to hell because they smoke, have sex, go to parties, listen to weird music or watch movies.
So what makes me better? Nothing. What makes me any different? Because of my belief in the Christ that is so often misrepresented, even by myself, I have learned that I am unable to earn Heaven on my own. I need him, and needing him changes me... though slowly sometimes. He teaches me how to love the world that hates him so much, those who are the hardest to love. Because believing in him teaches me that I am better than no man. We are all the same. We are all equally not good enough. But we are all equally forgiven, and have equal access to God through the Christ.