I finished writing a book a few weeks ago and have given it to a few friends to read. This always makes me nervous because I just know that there is some little goofy detail or weird sentence or something that I missed in my own previous readthroughs that's going to make me look like an idiot--some basic rule of grammar or glaring plot hole that I should have noticed.
But here's the thing--by this time I've read this book probably seventy times. It's grown from a short 15,000 word story into what is not a 60,000 word novel. I don't always remember that I took out and what I left in. I've changed people's names. I've changed the type of weapon people used in a certain scene and then had to make sure I noted when/where they picked it up. I've taken out characters that originally had important conversations with other characters and then had to find a place to put that information back into the story. I've added new characters and had to make it seem like I didn't just stick a new guy in the middle of the story. I've moved scenes around in the timeline, forcing myself to think "In the old version they didn't know this or that yet, and now they do... so what would they do with that information?" or "Now this happens after such and such event, so what would they have to say about this now?" or even more simply "Did his jacket tear yet, now that this happens earlier, or does this scene now describe a tear that is yet to happen?" This is what I was talking about here when I said I write myself into corners.
In some ways, I don't even like it anymore. I'm emotionally over it. And yet it feels like this book represents me to those who read it. What kind of person does it make me if I don't know when to use 'who' or 'whom', or if the main character is suddenly an expert in something obscure that requires years of dedication just when he needs to be, completely destroying the reality of the story? But all these feeling are in my head. My readers are not judging me as a person based on the quality of my writing/Storytelling.
So when I get feedback from the readers, I'll add a sentence here or there mentioning this or that, or I'll have to remove a fragment of an old idea that is still in there, or even add new scenes to give better character motivation. And I'll thank those readers profusely because they can see what I cannot, and only they can help make the book better.
