Some Facts About Me...

I don't work to my potential. I don't do my best at hardly anything. I focus on my problems and not on my potential. I worry about my future because I have no confidence—in myself that I can do anything, and in God that He will help me where I cannot. I judge people based on sterotypes. I am selfish and would rather feel good than be inconvenienced by anything other than what I want. I hate other people's quirks. I hate when other people bring up my quirks. I hate my quirks. I don't read the Bible because I don't want to. I hardly pray because part of me doesn't believe it works. I get mad at God when my prayers aren't answered. I don't like going to church because I feel like I've heard it all before. I don't like advice. I crave advice. I have a lustful mind. I indulge my perverted thoughts. I'm lazy. I complain when I have nothing to do. I complain when I have things to do. I want more money. I want more stuff. I complain about not having any money. I look for ways to spend money instead of saving it. I make excuses; and believe them. I overanalyze. I'm afraid of God. I respect Him, but don't love Him. I don't want Him to change me; but all I want is for Him to change me. I hate thinking about going to college. I hate thinking about ruining my life by not going. I don't worship. I can't worship. I don't want to worship. I envy those who do worship. I expect the worst in people. I expect nothing from God. I want to do everything myself. I hate being alone. I hate being in groups. No matter what I feel alone. I'm a liar. I'm a thief. I expect everything without working for it. I hide from my beliefs. I lie about my beliefs. I look for ways out of believing. I wish I didn't believe. I'm afraid of death but wish I was dead sometimes. I'm afraid I won't like Heaven. I'm afraid I won't like God when I meet Him. I'm afraid God doesn't like me now. I think God is tired of hearing me tell Him the same shit all the time. If God cursed, I think He'd tell me that; and that I'm full of it. I think I'm a bad role model for kids at church. I want people to like me, but I like it when they don't. I like to make people angry with my views. I don't have the confidence to express my views. I don't like people who are smarter than me. I think I'm better than those I disagree with. I'm afraid to try to get better because I don't want to fail and disappoint myself. I want to prove God wrong. I want to prove everyone wrong. I want to prove myself wrong. I hate myself. I hate this world. I don't want to help people. I don't want help for myself. I think I have no purpose in life.

Some of these are facts about me. Nothing I'm proud of. Think what you will, I had to get them out. I may add more, I may not; but I'm tired.