Hopeless? Helpless? Or just lazy?

I have a problem. My problem is communication. I, for some reason, have a problem communcating to those closest to me. I don't really know why, but I'm sure it has everything to do with the fact that I have BIG communication problems with God. I don't really like talking to Him. I view him as an obligation. I respect Him, but I don't think I love Him. I don't think I know how.
I think the reason why it's hard to talk about this is because I feel like I am alone in it. I feel like no one would understand, and I feel like everyone will think I am a bad person, a bad example, and not worthy of being a leader for young people. Where would I lead them? Will I lead them into the same kind of confusion that I now find myself in?
I am afraid. I'm afraid that I will be looked down on, distrusted, and shamed. But honestly, I'm tired of caring about all that bs. I'm tired of feeling like this and I'm tired of not understanding what to do about it.
I think I'm missing something. There's something I do not understand about God (obviously). If I loved God the way I'm supposed to then it would be a pleasure to do things for Him, not an obligation. I would do things OUT OF love, not just because I know I should. I feel no joy. But the bottom line is that I can't change the way I feel, and I usually don't see a point in talking about it because I don't want to bother anyone with it. I don't seem to believe, maybe, that there's a way to fix it. So, I've just accepted where I am and wait for God to change me. But it's not that easy, is it?

-What am I supposed to do in the meantime?-
-What am I missing?-
-How do I go about the process of changing the way my mind thinks?-