Am I really an American Man?

I don't like football. In fact, I hate it. It's not because of the violence, or the animosity of the players. There are other reasons why I don't like it.
First of all, the players get paid WAY too much for what they do. We pack stadiums full of thousands of people to watch a bunch of guys... PLAY A GAME. All the money these guys get paid, and they're afraid to take a hit. They have to run right down the sideline, and whenever anyone comes near them they just run out of bounds. TAKE THE HIT!! YOU'RE GETTING PAID MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO CATCH A BALL, RUN, AND GET HIT!!! AND NOT CRY ABOUT IT!!
I am in no way saying that I could take hits like that, but I know they can. They got that far because they can, and they get paid the way they do because they can. Take a hit. Fund a third world country. Buy everyone in the United States a 12-pack chicken nugget meal from Chick-Fil-A. Stop buying fourteen cars for yourself. Stop buying 98,000 pairs of shoes for yourself. Stop buying helicopters... well, actually, I'd buy one if I could. Stop buying homes in twelve states and six countries. Buy me a nugget meal.
Secondly, football fans are crazy, irrational, and... just crazy. People make fun of Trekkies and Star Wars fans that go to conventions and dress up, and act a part. Football fans do the same exact thing. Only not a couple times a year, but EVERY WEEK! They'll watch 13 games in one day, just because there's a game on. It doesn't matter who's playing. You could hate both teams, but still watch. I don't get it. The American lifestyle revolves around football. People take days off of work, leave places early to get home in time for the big game... between ANYONE. It doesn't matter what the game is, it's football. they have to be there to see it.
Thirdly, pregame shows. A bunch of talkshow hosts and ex-football players sitting around talking about football... for FOUR HOURS before the game even starts!!. They argue about statistics, and players and coaches and weather conditions and geographical locations and fan support and every other thing that could possible play a role in the outcome of the game. They try to predict who will win based on those factors, when the only thing that makes a difference is the players. I heard a statistic about how good a teams record was when the temperature was under 40 degrees! Who cares?! Why does that have anything to do with anything?! WHO KEEPS STATISTICS LIKE THAT?!??! Get a life.
Just an addition, is the commentators. More ex-players and people that no one wants to hear say anything, much less their opinions. John Madden is one of my favorites. Why can't those who want to watch the game just watch it in peace? And for those of us who DON'T want to watch, aren't we suffering enough for our friends and families? Don't talk, please! AND STOP GIVING US TRIVIA QUESTIONS!! Here's my suggestion: Death Row Inmate Death-Match, Roman Arena Style!! Fill up Ray-Jay with water, put some boats in there, and have at it!
Robulous, OUT!